I am an addict. I have an unhealthy attachment to relationships. Where others have boundaries and personal space, I have the urge to share myself to the point of martyrdom in relationships.
I struggle to say ‘no’ to partners. I very rarely share my preferences. I sacrifice friends, family and work to prove to lovers that they are important to me. I show love by surrendering my identity.
This is my codependency.
I feel good giving myself away. I feel validated when I feel needed. When I am rejected by the people who I commit myself to, I feel worthless.
I give because the world looks black and white to me, I find it hard to balance giving a little with giving my all. I give because I hurt on the inside and want someone else to show me I am loveable. I give because I don’t feel worthy of receiving.
I want to recover from this addiction. I want to know who I am and learn to have healthy relationships with people. I want to achieve balance.
This is my recovery from codependency.